One of the greatest things about friendships is celebrating when great things happen to your friends, from weddings to new babies to promotions and new jobs. But one of the greatest privileges of friendships is being around for those friends through the parts of their lives that are less fun. Here are some tips on how you can support your favorite people through break-ups.
Point Them Towards Legal Advice
First and foremost, you need to make sure that any friend of yours who is going through a divorce is getting good legal advice. A good family law attorney is absolutely essential – they will help to keep the divorce proceedings as fair and neutral as possible, which is particularly important if there are children involved. You need to make sure that your friend protects themselves and their families. Even if a divorce starts off amicably, not all splits continue that way.
Don’t Trash Talk Their Ex
You may think that the best way to help your friend move past their ex is to trash talk them. From their unfortunate hairline to their terrible choice in shoes. Admittedly, your friend may need to have fun and get some gripes and grievances off their chest, but you should be careful. You never know if they might get back together – and that could be extremely awkward. You might also make your friend feel ashamed for having spent time with a person who you clearly thought was inferior. They may still be grieving for the loss of their relationship and you making fun of their former partner won’t help.
Give Concrete Help
It’s important that you offer your friend concrete help. Simply saying ‘Please let me know if there’s anything I can do’ means that you probably won’t get contacted. This sounds wishy washy and your friend may feel guilty about accepting your offer. Instead, offer your babysitting services. Take your friend out and treat them to lunch and a movie – go on a friend date. If they’re struggling to cope, go over and do some ironing and silently watch a movie with them. Let them know with you’re present and that you love and care for them.
Don’t Make It About You
Finally, it’s important to remember that you shouldn’t make your friend’s divorce about you. If you have been through a similar situation and they ask for advice, don’t be afraid to give it. At the same time there’s no need to start every conversation with ‘When it happened to me…’ Every situation is unique and your friend is going through something different from what you went through. There’s different feelings, circumstances, and ways of coping. In addition, don’t liken any teenage splits with your old boyfriends to your friend’s divorce – don’t lessen the pain and disruption that they’re going through.
Divorces and splits can be extremely rough, but with your help, your friends and loved ones will be able to get through it.
