Our family lives are so important and sticking together through thick and thin is what family is all about. However, we are also individuals and even though we love our family very much, it can be all too easy to get into a fight or to stop listening to each other.
This is a contributed post and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Meet The Harris Family.
Instead of holding a grudge or getting upset, you should try some negotiation techniques. They will help you see where you might be able to find a compromise or resolve the issue completely. Whether this is a new argument or one of your common arguments, changing to these strategies will make a big difference.
When You Do X, It Makes Me Feel Y
When we argue, we tend to argue in order to win. As we wear down our logical arguments, we tend to move on to more personal attacks. Staying calm might be hard in an emotional situation. However, it will help you to regulate your thoughts before they all come pouring out. Especially, the stuff you know you don’t mean.
Try using the phrase, ‘when you do x, it makes me feel y’ to express your side. For example, “when you stay out all night, it makes me feel worried.” This shows that the action is the problem and not the person. Consequently, the negotiation towards a resolution more easily. For example, “when you stay out all night, it makes me feel worried, but if you could tell me what time you will be home, I won’t worry so much.”
Create a Safe Negotiation Space
When you are negotiating, where you are can make a huge difference to how you act. For example, a teenager might feel cornered if you hold negotiations in their bedroom. Or, they might feel that they are on safe territory and more willing to talk. The key to a successful negotiation is to make sure everyone is comfortable first and then start your discussion.
For more serious problems, you might like to involve someone else in a neutral space such as a family lawyer like KMFamilyLaw.com or a therapist. Taking your argument out of the house and into a more formal setting will help you to think more clearly about the message you want to get across as well as encourage you to listen to the message coming back.
Listen Carefully and Address Every Point
There is nothing more frustrating than telling someone how you feel and them not listening. We all know this and yet we are all certainly guilty of forgetting to listen in favor of getting our own message across! Instead of talking over each other take it in turns to speak and listen closely.
Don’t interrupt or try to explain or cut each other off, just sit quietly until you are allowed to respond. This way everything that needs to be said will be and you will both feel much better afterwards. Sometimes the problem isn’t the original issue at all but the subsequent mishandling. Listening will tell you everything you need to know to move on.
